Category Archives: Dear
Dear: Airways TV Show
Oh hai Airways! I hear that you want to know all about a travel tale in the hopes that I will make some good TV for ya. No, I’m not taking a ‘Make A Wish Foundation’ kid to Luna Park … Continue reading
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Dear: Billy Ray Cyrus
I like you. You have produced good things, namely things that have “achy” and “breaky” in the title. But I do not have time for pleasantries, there are pressing matters at hand. On Tuesday, January 12 it reached a maximum … Continue reading
Dear: Woolworths
RE: What’s The Deal With Colouring-In Competitions? I read the back of one of your Christmas colouring-in competition entry form and got the shock of my life. Of. My. Life. Entries were due C.O.B. Monday 14 December and I quote: … Continue reading
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Dear: Joaquin Phoenix
RE: Your mental stability I hope this is just a hilarious joke and that on April 1st next year when I wake up to get my morning coffee and daily online reads, there your face will be with a big … Continue reading
Dear: Elizabeth Garner
RE: You’ve Got Male Thanks for the email Elizabeth. After much deliberation I have decided that I don’t feel like seeing this flick tonight – perhaps you have the second installment to Lord of the Rings? The first one went … Continue reading
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Dear: KFC
RE: Lets get the Colonel involved As a loyal customer I have had enough. And by loyal I mean when I’m in a food court and the lineup for Subway is too long and the people I’m with want KFC. … Continue reading
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Dear: SAFM (Pt. 4)
RE: RE: RE: Dear: SA FM Well good for you! You took some of my advice on board and played a Pearl Jam song that wasn’t ‘Better Man’ or ‘Daughter’. ‘Last Kiss’ is a good song, still a commercial release … Continue reading
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Dear: R. Kelly
RE: Your whereabouts Where did you go? You’ve been a bit quiet since that rather inappropriate child pornography thing. How embarrassed were you because of it? Scale of one to ten? It must’ve been made worse because of that pesky … Continue reading
Dear: SAFM (Pt. 3)
RE: RE: Dear: SA FM OK I get it. You probably get thousands of emails a day from people who think they can change the station with vague ideas such as “don’t play shit music” and you may be thinking “oh it’s … Continue reading
Dear: Melbourne University, Department of Zoology: Spider Lab
RE: Assistance with experiment – TOP SECRET During a game of mini cricket today I hit a truly sensational ball for six but unfortunately for us it went on the neighbour’s roof. Game over. However if I were able to … Continue reading
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